this girl

is on fire.

a power ballad has never sounded so strong since Aretha herself.

no commentary needed. i'm feeling a little on fire these days.



one day at a time,
burning away the ED from my
body, mind and spirit

with fire in my eyes.

not.

backing.

down.

let it burn,

C

being still one year & still I know.

still i know

be still and know next year {inhale} next year it will not be this way. 

be still and know you have come far

be still and know one year is not enough time

be still and know one year is behind you

be still and know one year is ahead of you

be still and know the memories have no control over you

be still and know the past, is the past

be still and know this is not forever

be still and know there are millions of people struggling, feeling pain they, too, didn't ask for 

be still and know you are strong enough

be still and know you will make mistakes

be still and know bravery is built

be still and know crying brings another layer of armor

be still and know this is only a season

be still and know there is purpose in pain. there is pain with purpose

be still and know there is life beyond, why did you ever stop believing 

be still and know it isn't over

be still and know you cannot rush pain… thus, cannot rush healing.

be still and know tomorrow is another change

be still and know you are not alone

be still and know you are not alone

be still and know you are not alone

be still and know.

be still and know you have to be still

you can be still

you were made to be still.

you long to be still

you grow from being still

you fear being still

but you must

be still.

face. the. fear.

let your being, be still.

listen to the declaration of your body

listen to your inner teacher

she knows more than you think

be still and know

you are strong enough

be still and know

you can be still.

one year ago you said

you can.

you would be still.

and still it doesn't change.

only time

in time,

C

… to stop searching

a poem:

Having loved enough and lost enough,

I'm no longer searching

just opening,

no longer trying to make sense of pain

but trying to be a soft and sturdy home

in which real things can land.

These are the irritations

that rub into a pearl.

So we can talk for a while

but then we must listen,

the way rocks listen to the sea.

And we can churn at all that goes wrong

but then we must lay all distractions

down and water every living seed.

And yes, on nights like tonight

I too feel alone. But seldom do I

face it squarely enough

to see that it's a door

into the endless breath

that has no breather,

into the surf that human

shells call God.

~Mark Nepo

what would it look like to stop searching

and only stand still

face the door

face fear

accept what we cannot change

rub against challenge

be refined into a pearl

and stopped questioning 

the waves and tides engulfing our entire bodies

and stopped looking back at the shore 

wondering what it would be to return

questioning whether there is another

safe shore in the future

what if we just listened to the sea

what would it look like to stop searching

I wish I could be that still in the water

knowing I was one day going to be a pearl

but rocks hurt.

they hurt really bad.

read this everyday,

C