… to stop searching

a poem:

Having loved enough and lost enough,

I'm no longer searching

just opening,

no longer trying to make sense of pain

but trying to be a soft and sturdy home

in which real things can land.

These are the irritations

that rub into a pearl.

So we can talk for a while

but then we must listen,

the way rocks listen to the sea.

And we can churn at all that goes wrong

but then we must lay all distractions

down and water every living seed.

And yes, on nights like tonight

I too feel alone. But seldom do I

face it squarely enough

to see that it's a door

into the endless breath

that has no breather,

into the surf that human

shells call God.

~Mark Nepo

what would it look like to stop searching

and only stand still

face the door

face fear

accept what we cannot change

rub against challenge

be refined into a pearl

and stopped questioning 

the waves and tides engulfing our entire bodies

and stopped looking back at the shore 

wondering what it would be to return

questioning whether there is another

safe shore in the future

what if we just listened to the sea

what would it look like to stop searching

I wish I could be that still in the water

knowing I was one day going to be a pearl

but rocks hurt.

they hurt really bad.

read this everyday,

C