wounds

Thursday night, I read this and got chills all over my body.

Friday night, I read this and tried to bury it beneath the surface of my heart.

Saturday afternoon, I read this and I wondered what it would be like to not question my wounds.

to not try and figure them out.

Sunday night, I read this and my wounds surfaced again and they got scary.

Monday night, I read this again… my wounds surfaced...again.

I was terrified again.

My wounds are deep.

Deeper than I can see, deeper than I know, multiplying every day… 

even the days of healing.

and endless abyss of discovery…

it cold, confusing, uncomfortable and appearing on my skin.

Then. This afternoon, 

I read it again.

I wanted to hide those wounds appearing 

on my skin so badly I could burst into a million pieces. 

but sitting right there in the park, whisper:

"Your heart is greater than your wounds.

You have to let go of the need to stay in 

control of your pain and 

trust in the healing power of your heart."

you must live your wounds through, 

through the skin, through the surface,

 through the darkness.

and so 

I read this again moments ago and got the 

chills, tears, longing, terror, acceptance, all at once.

I invite you to experience the same. 

Read for weeks on end,, until it becomes true.

I will do the same.

Live your Wounds Through

by: Henri J.M. Nouwen

You have been wounded in many ways. The more you open yourself to being healed, the more you will discover how deep your wounds are. You will be tempted to become discouraged, because under every wound you uncover you will find others. Your search for true healing will be a suffering search. Many tears still need to be shed.

But do not be afraid. The simple fact that you are more aware of your wounds shows that you have sufficient strength to face them. 

The great challenge is living your wounds through instead of thinking them through. It is better to cry than to worry, better to feel your wounds deeply than to understand them, better to let them enter into your silence than to talk about them. The choice you face constantly is whether you are taking your hurts to your head or to your heart. In your head you can analyze them, find their causes and consequences, and coin words to speak and write about them. But no final healing is likely to come from that source. You need to let your wounds go from that source. You need to let your wounds go down into your heart. Then you can live them through and discover that they will not destroy you. Your heart is greater than your wounds.

((… your heart is greater than your wounds.))

Understanding your wounds can only be healing when that understanding is put at the service of your heart. Going to your heart with your wounds is not easy; it demands letting go of many questions. You want to know "Why was I wounded?" "When?" "How?" "By whom?" You will believe that the answers to these questions will bring relief. But at best they only offer you a little distance from your pain. You have to let go of the need to stay in control of your pain and trust in the healing power of your heart. There your hurts can find a safe place to be received, and once they have been received, they lose their power to inflict damage and become fruitful soil for new life.

((soil for new life.))

Think of each wound as you would of a child who has been hurt by a friend. As long as that child is ranting and raving, trying to get back at the friend, one wound leads to another. But when the child can experience the consoling embrace of a parent, she or he can live through the pain, return to the friend, forgive, and build up a new relationship. Be gentle with yourself, and let your heart be your loving parent as you live your wounds through.

may all of these surfaces,

these wounds,

these dark moments,

these weaknesses,

these battle become 

soil for new life.

may we live through these

to find new life.

may we have strength enough to live.

live through,

C