what if

~

What if you sat in complete silence for an hour 

with no one and no noise but yourself, 

could you face the thoughts of your mind with courage and not run away?

What if you wandered for an entire day without a plan in sight?

What if you kicked the ED out of your body

 and let other things in your life fill the vacant space?

What if you let go of control and turned away your old friend 

when she asked to come back?

What if you didn't let the fear of a broken heart shield you from love?

What if you let past wounds heal, fully stitch them up and close them off 

instead of using cheap glue?

What if you didn't plan for dessert following dinner, 

would you still allow yourself the offer if it came?

What if you said yes when you felt like saying no?

or

What if you said no when you felt you obligated to say yes?

What if you sat in your bed and read for an entire afternoon

 and didn't change your "meal plan" just because you 

hadn't been bustling about as normal?

What if you didn't let your reflection define your day?

What if you didn't buy a fashion magazine in 2012? 

You already know there will be some article in there, 

no matter the magazine, about losing weight… 

you're already good at that, you don't need the formula.

What if you welcomed awful hair days

and realized they made great hair days all-the-better?

What if you listened to your body's exhaustion and went to bed at 9:00?

What if you didn't set your alarm clock one morning?

What if you drank that second Boost for the day? I bet you would still live.

What if you told a stranger your story without fearing judgment...

just because something within you knew they needed to hear it?

What if, instead of cringing inside because your yoga pants felt tighter, 

you acknowledged it and became grateful

 that you had the nourishment you needed for that day?

What if you left your bed unmade and a dirty dish in the sink?

I bet you could still clean it up later.

What if you took five minutes everyday to
close your eyes and see what your mind sees instead of your eyes?

What if you didn't look in the mirror for 24 hours?

What if you burned those jeans?

What if you went to a restaurant without knowing

 what was on the menu beforehand…

 and ordered the first thing that sounded good,

 before the little voice convinced you otherwise?

What if you stopped assuming other people 

were always looking at you… judging, staring, wondering?

What if you made a point to make eye-contact with everyone 

passing on the street that day?

Because connections hold us together.

What if you walked into the kitchen and picked up a

 brownie because mom made them for you… 

even though it wasn't your planned snack? 

What if you could imagine, by the end of 2012, being… fully recovered? 

What if you believed?

What if you didn't count up or down, forward or backward?

What if you heard and listened to words instead of numbers, 

both in your head and on the scale?

What if you didn't let "you look so good!"
translate into "look at you... you've really let yourself go."?

What if you stayed out all night laughing and 

spending time with a friend spontaneously…

 without being anxious about your routine or your plans the next morning?

What if you did let someone's comment on your weight

or body tear your heart in two?

people are people.

What if you broke harmful habits and tried something new?

What if you let yourself have a day of grace just this once?

Or, what if you chose to not slip even for a day and 

choose to believe grace has already been given to you abundantly 

and this was a day to push through the pain?

What if you lived by a mantra?

What if you woke up each day and went to bed everything saying:

I am healthy

I am strong

I am alive

… fully alive.

yes. I think that will be my mantra.

What if you tattooed this on your heart?

What if you knew you were fully alive?

what if, what if, what if

what if you let these questions fill your year with growth?

C